I am not sure how to say, “I miss you”

without fearing your reply. Days, months

and years came upon me quickly, so

that now, the past seems distant and

I seem callous. I was drowning and still

I circle the edge of a pond that I am at

the bottom of. If today is a struggle for me,

I cannot speak. Today is a struggle for you,

but because you need support,

I cannot ask for yours. Somewhere,

at sometime, I thought, I cannot give

and take. It must be then that I remove

myself, so that I avoid taking too much.

Time is not my friend, no more than

the persistent blackness of my mind is.

Tandem brothers, “be forgotten”

and “tomorrow” speak without pause,

for years.

When I have pushed

back the edge of my thoughts,

bleeding like watercolor

and blunting

my desires, my personality, my perception,

I am cautious because it appears

that I have forgotten you. Just know,

missing doesn’t happen without love.